i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
