If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
