I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
