Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only you would photoshop your dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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