I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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