Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
