Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
