That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
