I wanna passion pit in your ass
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
