Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
