All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
