i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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