i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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