To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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