i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
