i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
