I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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