Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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