I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize