you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize