matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it because I queefed?
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead