Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.