Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor