They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
