gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more