I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
