If i come over, it means nothing
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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