This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
