My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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