youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
