I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
