i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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