Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
