that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
