I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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