So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
