Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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