Nicole vs. Life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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