I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
