Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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