I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
