just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
