is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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