and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
