just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
