Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
