That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
