Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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