you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
