I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
