Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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