Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
