True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
