i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
