At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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