Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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