Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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