It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
