Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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