why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
