he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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