I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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