i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
