What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
