Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh god it's open bar.
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