I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
