Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize