oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
