I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
