when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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