so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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