I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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