i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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