Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
