Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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