well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
